Texas trip and the desperate need for mommy time

Sam and I have been away for the last couple of weeks visiting family and friends in Texas.  It was the first trip Sam and I took by ourselves.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  Then again, it was only a 2.5 hour plane ride.  We had a great time.  I attended a wedding with my mom, took Sam to Fort Worth zoo, and met up with Benilda and her 3-year old daughter Elliana. Sam got to meet relatives he's never met before.  He saw his grandma, cousin John, and Auntie Bhel from Hawaii.  All in all, it was a good trip, but we were glad to come back and be with Josh after two weeks.

Here are some photos from our trip:

 The Inay family

 All dressed up at the wedding

 Sam and Uncle John

 Stuck in a hole at Nordstrom

 At Fort Worth zoo with Grandma and Great grandparents

 With Grandma

 With Uncle John 

 Having a laugh with mommy

 Big smiles!

 With Elliana

With Auntie Benilda, Elliana, and Nana

With the events of the past two weeks, some adjustments were again in order for Sam.  While in Texas, we had issues with eating, and right after coming back, we're having some woes with sleeping.  Sam has been through so many changes lately that, although frustrated, I can't say I blame him.  His environment changes so often, the place, time, and people around him seems different and new at least every month.  I haven't been able to give him the consistency and stability that he probably needs while growing up.  But that's the hardship we have to face since our families are in so many different places.

Tonight is the first night in a while that Sam's gone to bed before 10 pm.  It took an hour to get him to finally fall asleep.  In the past two months, we have been battling not only with him going to sleep early, but also to get him to sleep through the night in his own bed.  Needless to say, this mommy feels like she is taking care of Sam 24-hours a day.  I shouldn't complain because I know that all of these are short lived.  I know someday he will no longer want his mommy, much less need her.  However, I have noticed that not having a break or the time for myself has kept my patience short and my tolerance even shorter.  So tonight, I am grateful to have this time to myself to write this blog.  

I hope that in the next couple of days, that Sam will finally get into a rhythm and give his poor mommy a break before insanity kicks in.  I fear though, that it will also be short lived because we are bound to Hawaii again in July.  The joys of traveling.  Sigh.

Simply mom

My little boy has been generally healthy.  He had occasional sniffles, sporadic fever that accompanied his teething, and of course the bumps and bruises that comes with him being active, not to mention a boy.  Last night gave me a scare however.  He was fine all day until dinner time.  When he and his dad came in after an hour of playing in the park, he was fussy and refused to eat his dinner.  His dad gave him an early bath and got him ready for bed.  His dad said he felt warm though and when I checked his temp, it was 100.9.  We gave him some Tylenol, then rechecked it after 40 minutes.  His fever went up to 102.5.  It always concerns me when his fever goes that high so I called his pediatrician who recommended that we take him to the ER.  At the ER, his fever was 103.4, he was flush and very quiet.  If you know my son, he's rarely quiet.

They did a flu and strep test, which both came out negative.  They gave him some Motrin, which decreased his fever, then sent us home.  His fever was on and off throughout the night, and of course as a worried mom, I could not sleep.  He continued to have a fever until this evening when finally, it was gone.  Throughout the day though, all he ever wanted was to be held by mom.

As a healthcare professional, when you are looking at a patient exhibiting the symptoms that my son did, you do a full assessment and make treatment decisions from there.  When it's not your son or husband, you are not as worried.  Last night, I didn't feel like I had the training as a nurse.  I was just mom worried about my baby.  I had the presence of mind to give him medication, check his temperature, and call his pediatrician, but all the while, inside, I was panicking.  All I can think of was, what is happening with Sam?  Does he have an injury, is there a symptom that I missed.  Was it something that I did or did not do?  What do I do now?  When it comes to my son and his health, I am simply mom.  In fact, I probably panic more than my non-nurse counterparts.  

I am just glad he's a bit better now.  I hope the fever doesn't come back anymore and that it's just a 24-hour virus.  As for me, I think that I need to learn to be calmer when dealing with Sam's sickness.  Otherwise, i'll be a mess if he gets even sicker, God forbid.

One day at a time

Now that we know that we are staying for in Virginia for a while, we can now move forward with home improvements and beautification.  There's only one major problem:  the budget.  Initially, we had to prioritize the areas we were going to renovate.  So first up is the kitchen.  The renovation is to commence in May.  Josh has scheduled the floors to be replaced the second week of May, then the cabinets will arrive after that.  Josh will be doing the demo and installation of the cabinets.  All of these will happen while Sam and I visit family in Texas.  I am extremely excited to have a brand new kitchen, I hope everything goes well.  


Despite the prioritization that we did and my excitement over a new kitchen, I am obsessed with our bathroom.  Our town home has an odd layout...at least for me.  We have 3 bedrooms in the second floor and 1 bathroom.  In our basement, there is a room ( I don't think it counts as a bedroom because it has no window) and a bathroom as well.  There's a small living area which we currently use as an office, but I plan on converting it as Sam's playroom/office.  Here's my beef with the upstairs bathroom:  the previous owners decided it would be cost effective to use a one tile from floor to ceiling.  So the tiles on the floor are the same tiles on the wall.  It would've been so bad if the tiles are half decent.  They're these shade of reddish brick and cream almost brown shade.  Don't get me wrong, my favorite color is red, but not this red.  Since the bathroom has no window, I feel the tiles make the bathroom extremely dark.  Another beef that with that bathroom is the glass shower door.  I find glass shower doors harder to clean and they collect soap scums easier.  With a little one using the tub, I get a little bit obsessive cleaning it.  


Now I know that remodeling the bathroom wasn't part of the plan.  However, as we were choosing our cabinets, Home Depot had a deal going on and we were able to score an extra cabinet.  Since we were getting granite countertops anyway, we figured we could use the extra cabinet in the bathroom and just replace the countertop as well with the granite.  Josh has agreed to remove the tiles off the wall and replace it with water resistant dry wall.  It seemed like a good idea at first and i'm actually excited that the bathroom will get face lift.  However, as I continue to stare at the shower area every time i'm in the bathroom, I get more and more agitated.  I've watched enough DIY shows to realize that it can be done.  I just need money.  LOL.  


So for now, i'll just have to deal with it one day at a time.  I wish I was a DIY kind of gal.  In the meantime, I will just have to wait to either get more money, or for Josh to have more time to fix this house.  And hopefully someday, when we are ready to move, we will find the perfect place where we won't have to fix anything.  A girl can dream.

Finally out of limbo, but for how long?

After our rather long vacation from Hawaii, I had to revert my mindset to living in VA.  My lifestyle is completely different depending where I am.  When i'm VA, i'm mom and wife.  When i'm in Hawaii, i'm a working mom, daughter, and wife. Needless to say, my vacation in Hawaii was more like a "working vacation," as I was allowed to work at my old company.  It was great because it allowed some flow of income.


So coming back home, I had to change routines and mindset, especially when it comes to finances.  After Josh bought our townhouse last year and after seeing it, I was not a happy person, and if I have the means, I would just raze the house and build it from the ground.  But I don't have the means, and now I have to settle making small renovations at a time.  So our first project is the kitchen, not only because the kitchen is hideous, it's also falling apart.  Our decision to make a kitchen renovation is out of necessity and I'm glad that we have parents who are supportive financially, as we wouldn't be able to afford it (we were planning to use our tax refund...sadly, we don't have much refund despite purchasing the home and a child).  


So with all the planning and looking at samples at Home Depot and scheduling to put new wood floors on the dining room and kitchen, I was getting pretty excited about the changes that are about to happen.  Though our budget is limited, I am just extremely grateful that we are still able to do it.  However, a few days after we came back from Hawaii, Josh shared the news that they might be sending us back and soon.  At first I was excited...moving back to Hawaii meant going back to work, meaning more financial freedom, and more family support.  One of the things that makes it difficult living in VA is the fact that we don't have any family around, and it gets frustrating when I just want to go out or go away from Sam when he gets too difficult to handle.  So hearing that we might go back to Hawaii was good news to me.  But after that had set, I realized what moving back would mean.  What about our house?  What about our plans for renovation?  How are we going to move our things?  Where will we store our things?  What are we going to do with our cars?  Is the company going to pay for our move? And what about Josh's school?  He's supposed to start his second masters degree at George Mason University this fall.  Now what?


Since it wasn't a done deal, we were put in a limbo.  Josh's "bosses" have to consult with each other and "figure it out" but Josh was 90% sure that it was going to happen.  We didn't know how the process would go and how quick or how long they would get it resolved.  We decided to keep it to ourselves until recently from our families, especially mine so that they won't get their hopes up.  I was trying not to get my hopes up, but I couldn't avoid feeling a bit of excitement because there are so many advantages of going back.


For a month, I bugged Josh about the progress.  There was so many things going on in his company that there was no telling when we were going to find out if we were going or not.  Since we didn't know if we were staying or leaving, I held up trying to "beautify" our home.  I didn't want to spend the money and the time to something that we were not going to enjoy.  Yesterday, the answer finally came.  It wasn't the answer I was expecting and I don't know if it was the answer I wanted.  WE ARE STAYING IN VA.  Whatever "turmoil" they have at Josh's work resulted to Josh not going to Hawaii after all.  


At first I was disappointed.  I was already picturing myself going back to work, saving up money, and eventually getting a house there.  I was looking forward to being able to shop without a toddler screaming and date nights with my love.  As Josh explained the situation, I saw those mental picture slowly fade.  I was sad.  I cried for a little while. But in the end I realized, I can finally enjoy our new kitchen once it's done.  I can finally decorate our home...slowly of course since I have some financial constraints.  And I can spend time with Sam and continue to watch him grow.  I was heartbroken at the fact that we're still not going to have the family support close by, but I took comfort knowing that once in a while, they could visit us or we could visit them.  We are scheduled to have family come to visit us this summer so that is exciting.  


So we are finally assured that we are staying put and that gives us some peace of mind.  At least we won't have to worry about what we're going to do with our house and things.  I hate moving, so knowing that we are not moving is also a comfort.  Our 3-5 year plan is in place again....Josh can go back to school again, and with experience and 2 masters degree, who knows where that's going to lead him in the future.  As for me, my career can wait.  Right now, I just want to be wife and mom.  

Back to Virginia

As everyone know, we went back to Hawaii the day after Christmas and celebrated Sam's first birthday there.  Josh came back to Virginia after New Year's and Sam and I stayed behind, partly because Josh was going to come to Hawaii for work late February, and the other part is that so Sam can spend more time with family.  The time flew and before I knew it, 3 months was over, and now we are back in the east coast again.  


The last 3 months didn't go uneventful, at least the first 2 and a half was.  About a week before we came back to Virginia, I had my very first ER visit.  I was at work one afternoon and felt like going to the bathroom. I had this sudden onset of stomachache:  severe right upper abdominal pain.  I felt clammy; I was sweating but yet felt cold at the same time.  I had a co-worker drive me home as a I could not endure the pain.  I refused to go to the ER or have them call 911.  Let's just say I have an aversion to the hospital despite working there in the past.  My only hospitalization was when I birthed Sam.  


I rested and attempted to sleep when I got home.  The pain subsided but decided to come back after a few hours.  I decided then to go to the hospital and asked Josh to drive me there. Lucky for me, Josh was already there, and we were with family making it easier to leave Sam at home.  At the ER, I waited 4 hours to be seen, only to confirm what I suspected:  I have gall stones.  I opted not to have surgery.  The ER doctor said it was early enough that surgery is optional at this point.  He prescribed me pain and nausea medicine and sent me home.  I've had 1 attack since then, which was just last week.  I am so grateful that Josh's work is flexible and he was able to care for Sam while I was sick.  Though the pain medications took the edge away, the pain can be excruciating at its peak, leaving me mostly immobile.  Thank goodness that's over...at least for now.  What I've learned though is that I really have to watch what I eat from now on.  I can't say that we've been totally unhealthy eaters.  But of course, the unhealthy seems to taste the best, making you want to eat more. 


Since our return, we've been able to do some fun stuff.  A couple of weeks ago, we were able to take Sam to the National Zoo.  He didn't seem interested initially.  I think he was a bit overwhelmed by the crowd.  He warmed up as the day progress, and even ended up passing out on his bike/stroller.

This past weekend, we had planned to see the Cherry blossoms.  However, we were late...the blossoms were all again.  We still had a great time walking along the river and going to the Lincoln Memorial.  Sam enjoyed "weeding" and playing with Dandelions.  

A gracious lady was kind enough to take this picture of us.  Our first family picture since we came back.  I really enjoy this moments.  Sometimes when we're here, I feel like my focus is just getting the chores out of the way and making sure that Sam is safe when he plays.  Taking an afternoon just to take in the sights is a real treat and it keeps my mind off of my messy house.

Sam is growing up so quickly, I wish time would slow down a bit.  Some days though, I wish he would grow up faster so he'll be able to communicate to me what he wants instead of screaming and crying.  Nevertheless, I still can't believe that this beautiful boy is mine.

On the days that we are home, this is pretty much what he does.  So many toys and he chooses to sit inside a box.  As of this moment though, he is quiet and is enjoying watching Yo Gabba Gabba.  It's a rare quiet time for me and I'm glad coz I was able to write and share this blog.

I don't really know how long we're going to live for.  I really enjoyed my 3 months in Hawaii, and sometimes I yearn working and being able to leave Sam with people I trust and have some breathing room.  I still don't feel comfortable hiring a baby sitter... I just don't know how they're going to treat Sam and at the same time, I don't know how Sam is going to react to strangers.  For the moment however, we are once again home and loving being a family.

Sleeplessness and hoarding

I thought that as Sam grows up, sleep will start improving. I figured that once we've transitioned him to whole milk, that he'll be better at drinking. Apparently, my battles are just beginning, and I think I'm about to concede. Being up at 3 am makes you realize a lot of things, most especially the battles you can't win. So I've come to the conclusion that from now on, I will take my battle called Sam one day at a time, and hopefully someday he'll realize that mommy likes her sleep too.

So after I conceded, comes this desire to clean out. So what better place to clean out at 4 am that my closet. While in Hawaii, I have to share the closet with my two boys, so of course it's abut crowded. From the outside, I realized how unbalanced it is...3/4 is mine and the other 1/4 to my boys. As I browse through my clothes, I realized that I am a hoarder: not just of clothes but also of memories. As I got through each top, each dress, I always associate them with memories; when I wore those clothes, and how I felt that moment. Through the years, I have been unable to let go of my clothes because they meant something. And I have been keeping the clothes as I have been carrying all the memories that came along with the, both good and bad.

Cleaning my closet tonight is like purging. My clothes are nicely folded and tucked away, just, like the memories that went along with them, folded and tucked away in my heart. I've made enough room that Sam gets a small area for his clothes, Josh's could breathe, and maybe for a few more dresses and blouses for me. I've made enough room for new things just like
I've made room for more memories to collect. And today is a a new day.

Cheers to 2012

The year 2011 ended frantically for me.  What's with planning and celebrating Sam's first birthday, 2012 seemed to sneak in before I realized it was here.  Of course there were so many things to be thankful for about 2011.  Though I left home to join Josh in Virginia, I was able to stay at home and watch Sam grow before my eyes.  It is unbelievable how in such a short time, a young boy sprouted.  What I call my baby is no longer.  He is a toddling toddler, who has so much energy, I am left wiped out at the end of the day.  Of course, there are still the waking up in the middle of the night, but I am looking forward to more growth this year.


The first day of 2012 was quite a busy one too, what's with family lunch and portraits.  Though the January 1 was a windy day, I thought the portraits came out nice...simple and nice.  I particularly like these ones:

As of right now, we're apart from Josh again.  Sam and I are on an extended vacation in Hawaii, while Josh is back in VA.  He's spending a week in San Diego, but we are excited that he will be joining us back here in Hawaii at the end of February.  We will be returning home at the end of March.  There is so much to look forward to in 2012:  a visit from Grandma Barbara in June, possibly a visit from the Irwins and Grandpa Scott sometime in the summer, maybe a trip to San Diego at the end of July, not the mention the holidays and of course, Sam's second birthday.  But most of all, I am just looking forward to many quality times with my boys.  I am praying for good health for me and my family, and well as continued blessings.  It's been a joyous year so far, and it's only the beginning.