Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Sleeplessness and hoarding

I thought that as Sam grows up, sleep will start improving. I figured that once we've transitioned him to whole milk, that he'll be better at drinking. Apparently, my battles are just beginning, and I think I'm about to concede. Being up at 3 am makes you realize a lot of things, most especially the battles you can't win. So I've come to the conclusion that from now on, I will take my battle called Sam one day at a time, and hopefully someday he'll realize that mommy likes her sleep too.

So after I conceded, comes this desire to clean out. So what better place to clean out at 4 am that my closet. While in Hawaii, I have to share the closet with my two boys, so of course it's abut crowded. From the outside, I realized how unbalanced it is...3/4 is mine and the other 1/4 to my boys. As I browse through my clothes, I realized that I am a hoarder: not just of clothes but also of memories. As I got through each top, each dress, I always associate them with memories; when I wore those clothes, and how I felt that moment. Through the years, I have been unable to let go of my clothes because they meant something. And I have been keeping the clothes as I have been carrying all the memories that came along with the, both good and bad.

Cleaning my closet tonight is like purging. My clothes are nicely folded and tucked away, just, like the memories that went along with them, folded and tucked away in my heart. I've made enough room that Sam gets a small area for his clothes, Josh's could breathe, and maybe for a few more dresses and blouses for me. I've made enough room for new things just like
I've made room for more memories to collect. And today is a a new day.