Monday, June 15, 2015

Home is where the heart is

It's exactly 2 months to this day since Sam and I moved to Hawaii; about a week for Josh.  Now that Josh is here, I can safely and completely say that we are home.  In the past 2 months, I have had a myriad of emotions.  Most days, especially when Josh was still in Manassas, that I wish I could still go back and pretend that the move never happened.  Now that he is here, it finalizes the fact that Manassas is no longer our home.  Home has always been where Josh and Sam are.  Now that we are no longer apart, we are definitely home.

So let me tell you what the past 2 months has been.  I went back to work April 27, doing part time job as a day program nurse for my previous employer.  I work from8 am - 2:30 pm.  During the times that I am at work, either my sister Jenny, my dad, or my aunt watches Sam.  It has been an adjustment.  He initially resented the fact that I went to work.  He did not understand why mommy has to go to work.  There were days when he would tell me that we should go back to Virginia because when we're there, mommy doesn't work.  It was difficult and painful knowing that a greater part of my day is spent away from him.  It was much harder to know that it bothered him so.  At the time, I don't think that he really understood that this move is permanent.  That going back to Virginia was no longer possible.  Over the past few weeks, he has learned to adopt, cope, and at this point, I think he now understands that this is home.  In a month and a half, he will be starting Junior Kindergarten.  I am looking forward to that.  I am excited that he will be meeting new friends.  He misses his friends in Virginia and talks about them from time to time, but I am excited for him to meet new ones.

Doing work was not difficult.  It's like riding a bike.  I think the greater challenge for me at this point is trying to balance work and home.  Now add being a wife to that.  I fear that I won't be good at it.  I say that because before Josh got here, I have days when I am just too exhausted I refuse to deal with Sam when he is being difficult.  I get so tired that I usually fall asleep during bedtime routine, way before Sam falls asleep.  Now add being a wife to that equation.  Then add being a home maker.  I am getting exhausted just thinking about it.

On the plus side, I have found a church for us.  All my life, I have not been to a church where I felt excited to go.  Maybe it's because those church have been chosen for me?  I don't know.  But in all these years, I don't remember ever looking forward to Sunday and going to church.  In fact, there are Sundays in church when I felt that the service was getting too long and I wished for it to be over it.  I don't feel like that with this church.  Now, I feel that the service was too short.  I feel satisfied when I leave.  Sam enjoys Sunday school.  He got his first bible and constantly asks for us to read the story of Adam and Eve, David and Goliath, and Samson.  It is a joy to see him talk about God and asks questions about God.  We are growing in spirit and maybe this was God's purpose.  Maybe this is part of why He directed us to move back.

Our new journey has just begun and I am sure that from here on out, it will be a rollercoaster ride.  God has been faithful and through our struggles with this move, He has been generous in providing us our needs.  I miss my home in Virginia, I miss my friends.   I will never forget them, and I hope that they will not forget me.  I hope that someday, I will get to see them again.  As the bible said in Ecclesiastes 3:  "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens...a time to tear down, and a time to build."  This is our season to build a new life.  And with God's grace, I know things will be alright.