I don't know about you, but 2020 has been hard on me. It's not just because of Covid-19, though a large part of why it's been hard can be attributed to it. When schools shut down back in March, routines were changed, lifestyles were changed. I, among many has been forced to adapt to a new normal. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever thought that in my lifetime, I would be a witness to a pandemic that I only read in history books. Yet here we are.
The pandemic has forced us to shelter in...for an introvert like me, it's not hard, or so I thought. Let me tell you though, even an introvert like me is having a hard time staying in. Pre-Covid, I didn't leave the house much. I would have coffee/lunch with friends maybe 2-3 times a month. My going out of the house included food shopping, going to the cafe to read my book, or just walking around Target hoping I wouldn't spend $100 while I'm in there, just to pass time. Covid has taken that away from me and it's hard. It's hard not to see friends. It's hard not to walk around Target and not feel afraid that I am exposing myself to the virus, and taking it home to my family (yes, I am a bit paranoid). Covid is making me feel isolated and lonely (I'm sure I'm not alone in this). Granted, we still leave the house, because we need to...because if we (my family and I) don't, we will lose our minds no matter how introverted we are. We go for walks, we go to the store, we see some friends (just a few), we go to Starbucks, and just recently, we went to see the fall colors in the Shenandoa. Each and every time we leave the house though, is a decision of living our lives, as safely as possible and take the risk, or go stir crazy and not take any risk. Making choices are difficult because there is no way of knowing what the outcome will be.
Earlier in the pandemic, when people were forced to stay at home, Zoom and video calls became the best way to connect. I got to talk and see my elementary and high school classmates and friends from many corners of the world for hours at a time, some of them I have not seen or spoken to in nearly 20 years. Life despite Covid was not as lonely. But as the pandemic dragged on and restrictions were lifted, life returned to as normal as possible, the video calls waned. Isolation and loneliness increased and started to take its toll.
I know I have a point I'm trying to make, so bear with me. I'm trying to share who I am, without oversharing. Anyway, as feelings of isolation and loneliness takes its toll, so does anger and frustration to things that we can't control. The emotional roller coaster has got me on a fritz, and more than ever, the need to reach out to someone increased day by day. It's like a vicious cycle though because the more I need to have a human connection, the more frustrated I feel, and the more I need to have that human connection. I miss my friends, near and far.
During one of my "difficult days," I found myself on the phone with a good friend who is on the opposite coast from me and I am reminded of this quote I saw on Good Housekeeping that said "True friends are never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart." Boy, did that just hit the mark of my friendship with her (we've also been friends since high school btw).
I have friends; not many, but the friendships I have are wonderful friendships. They are those that defy space and time; the kind where even if it's been 20 years since you spoke, it feels like you just saw each other yesterday. But even with the friendships I have, I sometimes have days wanting to have "my person." You know, that person next door, who on hard days, you can just bring your favorite bottle of wine, knock on their door, say you had the shittiest day (pardon my French), and just have that big cry until all the wine is gone and all you have is a full heart because you had a shoulder to cry on (I know I'm rambling). But today, I realize that "my person(s)" do not need to live next door (they just have to have a phone), and that friendships are not measured by how often you see each other, how many girl's day/night's out you've had. Good, quality friendships are those that in any part of the day or month or year, would send you a text message saying "I'm thinking of you." It is those that call you after they have been doing their errands and say "I am coming to see you," even if it's from 6 feet away. It is those that no matter the distance, on a night when you feel so broken, would talk to you and at the end of that phone call, make you laugh and make you feel whole again.
I haven't written a blog for a while because in all honesty, nothing has inspired me to do so. Today I was inspired, encouraged and blessed. I wanted to share to you how lucky I am to have their friendship. These days are hard friends, but this is my way of saying thank you for your friendship and that I am also here for you.
Speaking of blessed, I got this pleasant surprised today. THANK YOU!
