It's been 6 months since I quit my job and moved back to Virginia. My priority has been clear and still remains: my family. Taking care of Sam and watching him grow is first and foremost for me right now. Money can be earned later; time, I can never get back. Once in a while, I get into a contemplative state; sometimes into a depressive state. Some days I feel useless and less of a person by not contributing to the family financially. Josh assures me that I may not bring an income, but that the contribution I bring is far worth more than the money I can bring.
It makes sense when he explains that to me. I understand because we agreed that our family always comes first. But now and again, I still feel that pang of failure. I have no career at the moment. I can't see myself in 5 years. I get into a state of self-deprecation. I cry and tell my husband what a failure I am. Tonight, he asked me: why do you think you're a failure? How do you define success?
It is a daunting question to me. I've always thought that success is defined by your status in life: how far you've come in your career, how much money you have in your account, how many places you've been, or how much 401K you've saved up for your future. I mean, isn't CEOs, famous movie stars, successful businessmen considered successful?
I never thought that success can also be...simple. I have a God who loves me, provides for me and my family, and gave me a wonderful husband who stands by me even in my lowest moments. God gave me a son, who cherishes me and forgives me even when i'm not his perfect mom. I have a roof over my head and food on the table. My success lies in having my family who loves me and having time with them for as much as God will allow me to. I am successful in my own way, in what I have. How about you?
"Is it not my family God has chosen? Yes, he has made an everlasting covenant with me. His agreement is arranged and guaranteed in every detail. He will ensure my safety and success." 2 Samuel 23:5
