Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas firsts

Today is Sam's first Christmas.  Of course, last Christmas he was still in my tummy so that doesn't count.  Christmas actually came a day early for him.  We opened our presents on Christmas eve because we're getting ready for our trip to Hawaii.  We took Sam to see Santa.  It's his first time to sit on Santa's lap, and I was surprised that he behaved.  I was afraid he was going to throw a fit.  I gotta say, he looked so much better than Santa in the picture :).

Now, I tried to upload the picture but apparently, it was too refer to the facebook photo.  

As I write this blog, Sam is peaceful and warm in his bed while Josh and I enjoy a few glasses of wine, cheese, and pizza.  This past year has been exciting.  I am relishing every moment with my family right now.  Merry Christmas all and God bless.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Frustrated Mom

I've neglected to blog the last couple of months.  Trying to get this house in order, family visits, getting sick for the longest time in history, and just being plainly mom and wife takes a toll.  And now, I think i'm at my wits end trying to be a good mom.  I know there's no such thing as a perfect parent, or a perfect child.  I know that babies will do things their way, in their own time, but as a parent, I can't help compare my child to other babies his age.  And that's when I start getting frustrated and question myself what i'm doing wrong.

The last few weeks, I've been having a difficult time getting Sam to drink his milk.  When he was younger, I couldn't feed him enough.  When he started teething at 5 1/2 months, that's when I started having problems.  He wouldn't drink his milk and I was concerned that he's not getting enough.  He started eating solids at 4 months, the usual cereal and then progressing to fruit and vegetables. Since he's eating solids well, that somewhat gave me comfort.  When we moved, his routines have significantly changed along with change of time and scenery.  And now, I don't feel like I could keep him on an establish routine and that frustrates me.  About 2 weeks ago, his milk intake has decreased again.  Since he's biting at everything and drooling like there's no tomorrow, I figured he's teething...again.  So from drinking 24 ounces a day, he's down to 15-16 ounces.  We try to supplement by giving him cheese, ice cream, and cottage cheese.  I just don't feel comfortable and I would feel at ease if he drinks more.

Along with not drinking, his continued use of binky frustrates me.  While he drinks his milk, he takes a break in between and wants to suck on his binky.  This is probably my fault because he started doing this when he was younger and it has continued on...only because I wanted him to drink all of his milk.  And now, I can't get rid of the habit.  

He's now 11-months old.  I know that there are many things that at this age he should be doing like holding his own bottle.  But with the way his been drinking his milk, I can't get him to hold it.  I've given up on getting him to drink from a sippy cup.  It's just not going to happen.  On the other hand, he is able to hold his cup with straw and drinks from it without any problems. 

On a more positive note, Sam can feed himself and is able to pick up small cuts of food like bread, cheese, fruits, and cereals.  This morning though, I had such a hard time giving him his breakfast...i'm guessing he's getting tired of his normal fare (oatmeal with pureed fruit).  He did eat his breakfast after I put small cuts of banana in it.  Sam started taking a step when he was about 10 months old and is now able to walk around unassisted.  I might have gone overboard with having him watching TV so we're correcting that by playing and just having music.  He's a busy boy.  He likes to climb and throw stuff.  Now if only I can get him to focus and sit still, I will be happy.

I've always wanted not to be the perfect mom, but at least a good one.  I don't think I am a bad mom, but there are times when I ask myself if I'm doing enough.  I chose to stay at home to make sure that Sam reaches his potentials.  I wanted to see every progress he makes.  I wanted to make sure that I am there every time he reaches a milestone and to make sure that he gets all the attention he needs.  But I constantly ask myself if I'm doing enough for him, and when he doesn't do things that he should be doing at his age, I feel like a failure.  I've failed him and i've failed me.  And so I wonder if I made the right decision of staying home or going to work.  Would things have been different if I put him in daycare?  Would he have learned more?  I tend to be harsh on myself, and it could be either a good thing or a bad thing.  I don't hear a lot of parents having the same frustrations as I do, or maybe I just don't know about them because they don't share it the way that I do.  Either way, it'd be nice to know that other mom's are going through the same thing.  

Things to look forward to in the next few weeks:  Christmas  of course, going to Hawaii, and Sam's first birthday.  Exciting!

P.S.  I do feel better after writing this.  Now I can go and do laundry. :)