Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Finally out of limbo, but for how long?

After our rather long vacation from Hawaii, I had to revert my mindset to living in VA.  My lifestyle is completely different depending where I am.  When i'm VA, i'm mom and wife.  When i'm in Hawaii, i'm a working mom, daughter, and wife. Needless to say, my vacation in Hawaii was more like a "working vacation," as I was allowed to work at my old company.  It was great because it allowed some flow of income.


So coming back home, I had to change routines and mindset, especially when it comes to finances.  After Josh bought our townhouse last year and after seeing it, I was not a happy person, and if I have the means, I would just raze the house and build it from the ground.  But I don't have the means, and now I have to settle making small renovations at a time.  So our first project is the kitchen, not only because the kitchen is hideous, it's also falling apart.  Our decision to make a kitchen renovation is out of necessity and I'm glad that we have parents who are supportive financially, as we wouldn't be able to afford it (we were planning to use our tax refund...sadly, we don't have much refund despite purchasing the home and a child).  


So with all the planning and looking at samples at Home Depot and scheduling to put new wood floors on the dining room and kitchen, I was getting pretty excited about the changes that are about to happen.  Though our budget is limited, I am just extremely grateful that we are still able to do it.  However, a few days after we came back from Hawaii, Josh shared the news that they might be sending us back and soon.  At first I was excited...moving back to Hawaii meant going back to work, meaning more financial freedom, and more family support.  One of the things that makes it difficult living in VA is the fact that we don't have any family around, and it gets frustrating when I just want to go out or go away from Sam when he gets too difficult to handle.  So hearing that we might go back to Hawaii was good news to me.  But after that had set, I realized what moving back would mean.  What about our house?  What about our plans for renovation?  How are we going to move our things?  Where will we store our things?  What are we going to do with our cars?  Is the company going to pay for our move? And what about Josh's school?  He's supposed to start his second masters degree at George Mason University this fall.  Now what?


Since it wasn't a done deal, we were put in a limbo.  Josh's "bosses" have to consult with each other and "figure it out" but Josh was 90% sure that it was going to happen.  We didn't know how the process would go and how quick or how long they would get it resolved.  We decided to keep it to ourselves until recently from our families, especially mine so that they won't get their hopes up.  I was trying not to get my hopes up, but I couldn't avoid feeling a bit of excitement because there are so many advantages of going back.


For a month, I bugged Josh about the progress.  There was so many things going on in his company that there was no telling when we were going to find out if we were going or not.  Since we didn't know if we were staying or leaving, I held up trying to "beautify" our home.  I didn't want to spend the money and the time to something that we were not going to enjoy.  Yesterday, the answer finally came.  It wasn't the answer I was expecting and I don't know if it was the answer I wanted.  WE ARE STAYING IN VA.  Whatever "turmoil" they have at Josh's work resulted to Josh not going to Hawaii after all.  


At first I was disappointed.  I was already picturing myself going back to work, saving up money, and eventually getting a house there.  I was looking forward to being able to shop without a toddler screaming and date nights with my love.  As Josh explained the situation, I saw those mental picture slowly fade.  I was sad.  I cried for a little while. But in the end I realized, I can finally enjoy our new kitchen once it's done.  I can finally decorate our home...slowly of course since I have some financial constraints.  And I can spend time with Sam and continue to watch him grow.  I was heartbroken at the fact that we're still not going to have the family support close by, but I took comfort knowing that once in a while, they could visit us or we could visit them.  We are scheduled to have family come to visit us this summer so that is exciting.  


So we are finally assured that we are staying put and that gives us some peace of mind.  At least we won't have to worry about what we're going to do with our house and things.  I hate moving, so knowing that we are not moving is also a comfort.  Our 3-5 year plan is in place again....Josh can go back to school again, and with experience and 2 masters degree, who knows where that's going to lead him in the future.  As for me, my career can wait.  Right now, I just want to be wife and mom.  

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