A busy life is a poor excuse to neglect ones spiritual life. I am guilty of that. Last year, certain events have kept us from returning to church. It's so easy to say that faith should not be placed on the leaders of the church. That they are also human who falters. They also fail. But how can you trust the church, if the people that is supposed to lead you, does the very thing that he preaches you not do?
I am not good with words, and maybe what I just said didn't make sense. Since the Senior Pastor from the church we used to attend failed to lead by example, Josh and I have stopped going. And we just stopped looking for a new home church. I've always believed that what is most important is my relationship with GOD and how I live my life according to His will. I constantly pray for His guidance in every aspect. Lately, i've been having this feeling, this tug in my stomach, that what I am doing is not enough. Something is amiss.
I keep thinking and wondering what that missing part is. What am I looking for. What will help me settle this uneasiness that I am feeling right now, with all the many uncertainties that my family and I are facing. Then I realized, that despite my praying and asking for God's guidance, I am not looking at Him. That my prayers are not as sincere. That I am distracted. I need more. I need to focus on Him. I need to go back to Him. But where to start?
Last week, I came across something on my instagram that planted a seed in my heart.
I pushed it aside, thinking I don't have time for it. A nagging part of me keeps saying, make time for it. If I have time to read books for book club, crochet my hat, play with Sam, look at FB and instagram, then I have time for this. I still put it off. Today, well something came over me. Something made me type the web address. Something made me decide that I have time today to look and see. As I was scrolling on the webpage, I saw a study that says "Open your Bible." The website:
I have to confess it's been a while since I opened my Bible. But today I did. And I read a few scriptures. Sam came to the room and asked me to read him something. I told him that I will read the story of Samuel to which he was named after. Before I knew it, I was in tears. I was overwhelmed. How did I come to this? How did I forget?
So today it dawned on me, maybe this is where I start again. Maybe it's what I need to find that part missing in my life. And all I had to do was open my bible.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139: 23-24.