In case you were wondering why we are not back in Hawaii yet...well.
After the holidays, we have tried to keep on schedule about the time frame of when we will be moving. Josh and I agreed that it would be best for Sam and I to fly out to Hawaii in February, get settled, find a pre-school for Sam, and I can go back to work. Sam and I were to fly back to VA at the end of May to pack up the rest of our things, drive to California with Josh, visit family on the way to Cali, and then fly back to Hawaii. In the in between, Josh was supposed to keep working until the end of May, get the house ready to be rented out, then go back with us to Hawaii around beginning of June. Sounded simple right. I was okay with it.
Then came the discussion... what would it take for us to stay? Good question. Many times over, we've talked about the pros and cons of living in Virginia and Hawaii. Many times over, the conclusion is that we needed to be close to family. We HAVE to be close to family to keep our sanity and to begin to be a couple again. We need to go out on dates, have time for each other. Josh and I felt that we don't spend enough time as a couple. The advantage of having family is that we will have someone to watch Sam on those date nights. We will have "couple" time again. On days when it gets stressful and too overwhelming, I can have my parents watch Sam so I can get a breather. I can go back to work, be a career woman again. We will improve our income if we both work, and being with family will allow that. We will be more comfortable financially. We won't be "alone" during holidays. Sounds good.
But if we move to Hawaii, I'll be working. Instead of Sam having a parent at home everyday, he won't have any. I won't be able to spend as much time as I can, watch him grow the way I want to. Public education is not as good, so therefore if we want to provide him with good education, he will have to attend private school. That's costly. If we buy a home, it will be smaller than what we have now, and probably 5 times more expensive. He won't get to watch the color change in the fall, play in the snow during winter time, see the cherry blossoms in the spring, and eat ice cream at Nathan's in the summer.
I can't even begin to tell you how often this played in my mind. How agonizing it is to choose. I've thought about it over and over. The more I thought about it, the more that I didn't want to move anymore. The more that I just wanted to stay. The move will prove costly not to mention time consuming; we'd be starting all over again. Josh said that I've had a lot of time to think about it and he's right. In one conversation with a friend, she asked me what is the most important reason why we're moving. I said it's because we want to be close to family. She asked me, "what about YOUR family"? Meaning Josh and Sam. What about them? She asked, "what would be best for YOUR family?" It's interesting when you put it that way...My family back home are and always will be family. But I also have MY family now. And the way I see things changes when you put it that way.
Staying here would mean better opportunities, not only for Josh's career but for Sam as well. Sam will have a better education, more opportunities to explore (I'm not saying he's not going to get that from being in Hawaii, but it will be more costly), more possibilities. If and when Josh gets frustrated with work, there are many job opportunities here. I can always go back to work when Sam goes to school. We can experience many things: the culture, the history of this place. We can just hop in the car and drive somewhere, as opposed to spending so much time traveling via airplane. This is home now, it has become home for MY family. We've made friends, set roots. I have book club, and dinner club each month. I know women who are amazing and loving, and selfless. And part of me is having a hard time letting it go.
So going back to the question: What would it take for us to stay? Financial stability. An income that will make us financially comfortable that will allow us to travel back to see our families, for as often as financially feasible. That way, we can still see them, visit, go there to spend the holidays. Josh and I want to be able afford not only a babysitter, but also to afford going on a date. I think it would be pointless to have money to pay for a babysitter and not have enough for dinner and a movie, right? In my mind, it's that simple. But it's only in my mind.
Josh has been given an opportunity. He just finished an interview with his company for a job that will basically be a promotion. If he gets the job, and he accepts the offer, we will be staying. If not we will be moving sometime in the summer. The next couple of weeks will be tough. It is already hard on me. I am having anxiety attacks as I type this. It is hard waiting. In our married life, Josh and I have lived mostly in limbo. And here we are again. But God is faithful, and I know and pray that He will lead us to where He wants us to be. So in case you were wondering, this is where we are. I hope and pray that we will have an answer soon.